Pregnant without knowing it | Part 2 - In the eye of the cyclone

To read the first part, click right here !

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People are running around, i'm being introduced to people who are just affable faces in my panicked brain. Nurses, gynecologist, doctor…

Oh no ! No doctor! As there was no delivery planned the previous evening, there was no doctor on duty that night. They tried to reach one, but...

Either way, I can't hear anything. In shock, with adrenaline to the max, I am making a list in my headof all the reasons that make it impossible. That I'm not living what I'm living right now.

I don't want a child. I am not a particularly "motherly" person. I aspire to a career and a future of adventure, freedom, snow, dogs and long summers near bodies of water. I am only at the beginning of my adult life, in my twenties. I have yet to meet someone who made me want to start a family. And my intuition tells me that this person may not even exist!

But above all, ESPECIALLY, I made the choice 7 months ago to terminate an accidental pregnancy. How had I not realized that a little being had decided to get attached to me, against all odds?

Later, I will have time to think. I will speak with specialists who will explain to me what pregnancy denial is and the pieces of the puzzle will gradually fall into place...

Yes, I had symptoms. Many in the first trimester, before my abortion. Breast pain, heartache, headache, great fatigue. But everything stopped after the intervention. And as my brain was convinced that it was over, it sent the signal to my body to stop "bothering" it with it...

No, I did not have any blood tests afterwards. I went to work in a very remote area immediately afterwards and did not have easy access to these services. However, I took another pregnancy test a month and a half later to make sure the procedure had worked. It was negative and I closed that chapter of my life, I believed, for good.

No, I haven't gained any weight...in fact, I've lost a lot. This great period of questioning made me realize that I was not taking enough care of my health… which is nonsense considering the field in which I was evolving. At the time of the events, I had never been so thin.

No, I didn't feel baby move. At least, I didn't see it that way. The doctors later told me that my "gastric reflux" of the last few months, in a context of denial of pregnancy, could indeed be the movements of the baby, misinterpreted.

Yes, I was totally exhausted for the 3 weeks leading up to the delivery… but that is not at all unusual for me at the start of the high season. I easily worked 70 hours a week, that could be explained…

And while I relive the last few months at full speed in my head, while I dissect, dispute, reexamine every moment, I am being prepared to give birth to a baby who had had no follow-up, no special attention.

I don't know it yet, but in 30 minutes my daughter will enter the world, in a way, once again, very singular...

TO BE CONTINUED…