6 advantages (and some disadvantages) of being a part-time " SoloMom "
Author: Sarah-Maude Alarie
Atypical working hours, being able to rely only on yourself most of the time, being alone when baby has been sick for a week and the hours of sleep can fit on the fingers of one hand...
This is the reality for some moms, myself included, who have a spouse with a job away from home or who doesn't fit into the usual 9 to 5 box at the office.
Whether it's 14 days gone/14 days present like us, a night shift or a job abroad, the absence of a spouse is sometimes difficult to bear. While he leaves to go and sacrifice a large part of his time away from his family, mom has to row the family boat alone.
And that, it must be said, is not easy!
But if I just went over and over the list of all the difficulties that our extraordinary calendar brings, my daily life and that of my 4 pullets (yes, yes… 4!!!) would be quite sad.
This is why I have built myself over time a small repertoire of the advantages of being a SoloMom part-time. Here it is :
- When Dad is around, the pressure really eases.At least 50% anyway! Which is pretty good considering it's usually an endless race. You can take your time in the bath with your glass of wine, and that's almost an all-inclusive in Cuba!
- The routine is not monotonous. Of course, this could seriously affect the mental health of some people, but for others, experiencing frequent changes makes life much less "boring". Running between a swimming lesson and an appointment with the dentist is a little Tuesday morning for the solo moms of this world. No more gym needed!
- A really present dad. For parent-teacher meetings for example or for extracurricular activities, dad is very often there and happy to be there, since 2 weeks out of 4 he does not work!
- The privileged relationship with the children. You are the lucky one who witnesses all the first times and who treasures all the kisses when dad is not around. Also, you take it a little more relaxed during your weeks with the kids. Obviously, there is discipline, but less than when dad comes back. When the cat is not there, the mice dance, right?
- Pride in being able to fend for yourself. Are you told that you show great strength of character? Take the compliment! It's true that you can no longer doubt your ability to manage on your own.
- Endless inspiration for your TikTok.That's more of a little joke, but still, it would be lying to say that I lack content to feed my account!
Except I don't hide in the sand either, and I don't want to pretend it's easy every day. There is also, of course, a list of disadvantages to the prolonged absence of dad…
- Take care of all household chores alone. That is major! The dishes, the laundry, the dinners, the lunches… everything falls on YOUR to-do list when Dad is away. I tried to involve the children in the tasks... but it was very inefficient!
- Lack of sleep. Imagine ! All, I mean ALL the nights are your responsibility. So when your 9-month-old is teething, your second is sick, your third is anxious and your big one is having a nightmare, you're the one who gets up! No succession on the horizon! Two hours of rest in one night, interspersed with 56 mornings... the coffee needs to be strong in the morning!
- Lack of time. Suddenly, your 2-year-old doesn't get as many cuddles on the sofa before daycare and bedtime stories are cut short because baby asks for her bottle. You would like to be the elastic woman and do everything simultaneously, but unfortunately, it is impossible.
- Lose yourself a bit. In the sense that taking your shower becomes a rather rare luxury. Drinking a hot coffee is unthinkable, and you end up with a« mom bun » 24/7. Difficult for self-esteem, let's be honest!
- Absences for important events. Probably dad will miss a party or two this year. And your Valentine's Day, you've been spending it alone for 5 years with your favorite box of chocolates (which you don't need to share... oh! Another point for the list of advantages!).
If this is your reality too, tell us what is for you the worst inconvenience, and also the best side of living with a spouse who leaves for work.
I raise my cup of wine to you, and wish you strength and courage to get through your solo routine!